Tag Archives: exercise

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Reflections on Life and Depression

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It’s that time of year again. The clocks have been put back, it is dark at 4pm, and the weather is getting colder by the day. When I say I hate this time of year, I truly mean it. Not only am I a child when it comes to the cold, I also struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

Like clockwork every year, Daylight Savings Time ends and I’m slumped into a deep depression. I don’t really understand it and for a few years, it really dragged me down. It was such a relief when I finally had a reason for what was happening to me. It really dragged me down in college.

One year, I fought with my boyfriend so much, really horrible fights, and I would just cry. Every day. I had no idea why and this really aggravated him. For someone on the outside looking in at mental illness, it doesn’t make any sense. I think the worst part for him was that he couldn’t fix it. He is a man, after all, and they say that they think of things in terms of problems and solutions. When there is no definitive problem, how can there be a solution? There were times I would stay over at his apartment and cry myself to sleep. I really had no clue what was going on.

The following year, I decided to get some help in the form of medication. It worked wonders. My mind was finally clear. I have been taking medication every winter since. This year, I have decided to be even more proactive in my health by eating better, sleeping well, and exercising a lot. I can’t even begin to tell you what a difference it makes. A few years ago, I was drowning in the darkness. I could barely get out of bed, and sometimes didn’t. It’s such a relief to not feel that way anymore. When November rolled around this year, I called up my doctor and immediately started up again with the medication. A month later, I am feeling great. Of course, the exercise and healthier diet is definitely helping. I am proud of myself for controlling it, instead of letting it control me. 

It feels great to be in control of my own life. I’m not saying that every day is rainbows and unicorns- far from it. I still have my moments. Last year, even though I was on medication, my job was sucking the life out of me. I would cry in the car on the way home every night. I feel that over the past year, I have really grown as a person and a woman from that experience. I know more of what I want out of life, and I’m not going to stand idly by waiting for it to come to me. As I’ve said before, I quit the job and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

For anyone that is feeling alone, sad, depressed… I have been there. And some days, I’m still there! Happiness is something that you just have to work at sometimes. It’s hard when you feel like you don’t have the energy to fight. But it gets better! It is seriously worth looking at all your options, even if do not want to take medication. Eating better is a great place to start. I am all about chocolate and junk food. Sugar is my vice. So, instead of that candy bar as a snack, I’ll eat some fruit. I still get my sugar =)

And if you are out of shape, like me, exercise seems daunting but I assure you, it’s not! Even if you just go for a walk on your lunch break- do it! I joined the gym at my work (and paid an arm and a leg for it for two months) but I find myself wanting to go every single day. I never thought I would be able to run. Walking up the stairs sometimes takes my breath away. But guess what!? I ran a mile at the gym today. A mile! It may not seem like that big of a deal, but I assure you that it is. And you know what? It felt good. If I can do it, anyone can. Seriously.

One last piece of advice (which will probably turn into its own blog post because I have so much to write about it!) is to try yoga. You can Google some great positions and start with the basics. This is my absolute favorite thing to do, and I will try my best to write a post in the next few days highlighting some of my favorite moves. The sense of calm that it gives you is indescribable. Working on your core is more of a workout than you think and the health benefits are out of this world!

Depression can (and does) affect just about anybody. It is important to recognize the signs in others, as well as yourself. At the end of the day, you are alone with you. Why not do everything in your power to love yourself enough to take action? I’m so happy that I did.

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Weight Loss

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Trying to lose weight is very difficult. I have been struggling for a while now to shed some of the extra pounds on me.

I was very sick at the beginning of April. I had so much pain in my stomach and chest that it hurt to move. After a trip to the emergency room, an appointment with my doctor, and a session with a gastroenterologist, there was a general consensus. They contributed it all to stress. I didn’t even feel stressed, how is that possible?

Last year, I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome and moderate Acid Reflux. I have spent the better part of the last year learning what I can and can’t eat. I felt like I had it under control, for the most part. However, the night of Easter I was in so much pain I couldn’t stand up. This was not how I usually felt. This was different. Any time I ate, it was in one end, out the other (if you get what I mean). I barely ate anything that whole week.

People often joke that sickness is the best diet. I, personally, don’t think it’s that funny. Yes, I have been wanting to lose some weight but I had really hoped to do it in a healthy way.

I am now below 180 pounds, which was my first goal to reach. The feeling of accomplishment is a huge sense of relief. I feel much more in control of my body than I have ever felt. Of course, there is a long way to go towards my ultimate goal- being between 140-150 lbs.

After being sick, my boyfriend and I decided that together, we want to live a healthier, active lifestyle. He scoffed at me when I bought a pair of 5 pound weights. He insisted they wouldn’t help him in any way. I told him that I needed to start somewhere. After all, I don’t want ridiculously muscular arms. I just want tone and definition. I came home last week and found him shadow-boxing around my room with the weights, dripping in sweat.

It is all about how you use the weights.

Our plan, so far, is working. Of course, he works outside all day walking around, so he gets a great deal of exercise doing that. He has the most toned legs I have ever seen. I sit at a desk all day, for the most part. I do my best to get up as often as possible and I try to spend my lunch break taking a walk.

He wants to start running. I have a confession: I hate running. It probably has to do with the fact that I’m so out of shape that it winds me pretty quickly. But after being sick, I find that my chest HURTS if I have too much cardio-type activity. This is extremely unfortunate to me.

For now, I am focusing on alternating between leg exercises and arm exercises, as these are the two areas I wish to improve.

I am so happy to have a workout buddy who also happens to love me unconditionally, even with a little extra jiggle. We motivate each other in the best possible way and it’s great to know we have similar goals. A lot of couples choose to work out together leading up to their wedding, and even though we are not engaged yet, this is our ultimate plan. We want to look and feel good for years to come!

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This is Me

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No one likes to admit that they are overweight. I fought against that word for so long. I remember my first doctor’s appointment a couple years ago when the doctor weighed me then looked at the BMI chart. After telling my supervisor at work about it, he replied with, “You are tall, blonde, and gorgeous. Unless you can’t fit through a doorway, there is no way you will ever be overweight.”

According to the BMI scale, however, I am smack dab in the middle of the overweight category.

In high school, I was a little over 100 lbs. For my height (5’9), this was far too skinny. I ate a lot and nothing happened to my body. In fact, some people even MADE FUN of me for being skinny. Really? 

I kept this body for just about two years in college, until I met my boyfriend. Funny how that works, huh? 

Now onto confession time. This past summer, I weighed just about 200 lbs. My friends and I were all unemployed so we made music videos to pass the time. The debut of the music video happened at my house and my whole family sat in to watch it on our big tv.

I was completely horrified. That is how I look? How did I let myself go? I vowed to turn over a new leaf.

Since then, I have lost about 20 pounds by dieting alone. I cut out my favorite coffee drink from Dunkin Donuts and just started to watch what I eat a little better. I tried exercising, but I hit a minor snag.

Second confession time. From about 2002-2006, I spent every afternoon upstairs in my room dancing to choreographed bubblegum pop songs. In some cases, I copied the exact moves. Other cases, I invented my own. HOURS were spent each day as song after song played. Unfortunately, all that dancing hurt the infrastructure of my house (not kidding). There is a crack in the kitchen ceiling below from excessive shimmying and shaking around up there.

Is this embarrassing to admit? Yes. I was a skinny-mini and I still cracked the ceiling. Just imagine what it sounds like now when I move around up there.

So, my only options for now are yoga and pilates. Both of which I love, so it is not the end of the world. I just recently invested in a couple weights at Target when they were on sale. Now I have incorporated those into my workout routine.

I hope you will follow me on this journey! I will update periodically involving my efforts and to share some tips and tricks with you. I’m the laziest person in the world. If I can do it, anyone can!